When the bough breaks

DISCLAIMER: The following advice is of a general nature only. Information from online sources, including this one and the sites I link to, should always be confirmed by a trusted health professional. If you need help, please ask.

I don’t know the origin of the nursery rhyme, Rock-a-Bye-Baby and my thoughts here are entirely my own and are completely different to the Wikipedia entry.
I didn’t know there is more than one verse, nor that the history of the song is contested but I did think it is centuries old.
I also know that it is a song I learnt as a child and that the words I remember are:

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree tops,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

We spend lots of time getting ready for birth, informing parents-to-be, providing antenatal education and advice and too often we don’t have conversations about the next bit. Parenting. The forever-after bit.
Most of the time, all goes well. Or well enough.
But too many parents find themselves struggling. Doubting themselves. Thinking they are the only ones who don’t look at their newborn and feel an overwhelming rush of love and joy. Or they had that rush of love and joy to start with, but the reality of parenting has hit hard and it’s not what they thought it would be.

Parenting, willy wagtail style. I’m sorry, but some days are just like this. Thanks to Deb Spink for her marvelous footage.

They find themselves exhausted, doubting themselves. Wondering if they are the first parents ever to have bad thoughts about their baby.
Negative thoughts about each other, about themselves.
Negative thoughts repeating over and over and over and over again in their head.
Did I mention exhausted?

I had to action my plan to put baby in the cot and walk out of the house. Clear my head. Have a moment of respite.
More than once. More than twice. More than…well, you get the point.

Parenting is difficult, especially if you are doing it on your own or if your supports simply aren’t enough.

So what?

What on earth does any of this have to do with an old nursery rhyme?

I was not the first mother ever to reach breaking point. If you are past, at or near to breaking point, please know that you are not even close to being the first either. It gave me comfort to think that mothers over the centuries have also had their moments.

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree tops
Umm, what the heck! What is baby doing up a tree? Someone put baby up the tree?

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
Umm, up a tree, in a cradle, on a windy day? Seriously? They need help.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
Umm, up a tree, in a cradle, on a windy day on a dodgy branch that may not take the weight of baby in the cradle!!
They really need help. Can I help? Who do I call?

And down will come baby, cradle and all
Disaster in the making! So much worse than putting baby in their cot and going for a walk.

Maybe I’m not the worst parent in the world. Maybe others have felt this way too. Maybe I can get through it.

Just between you and me, it used to make me feel better to sing this little song.
I used to sing the chorus of Postcard to Hawaii too.
Right up to the moment when I was asked “Mum, what does that mean?”

“And if I never come back, I’ll be on a beach where no one can find me.
And if I never come back, send me a postcard to Hawaii”

POSTCARD TO HAWAII
by Moondog

Dr Pamela Douglas, author of The Discontented Little Baby Book and founder of Possums Online, puts it beautifully. Some of our struggles are “because we…simply hadn’t imagined that it would be quite this incredibly hard”.
She reminds us “we only have to be good enough as parents, that’s all”.

Perfection is over-rated.
Not everything you see on Instagram or Facebook or Snapchat is real.
You matter. Looking after you matters. Get outside, meet up with friends, family, other young families. Share the load.
You can’t look after them if you don’t look after you.

If you, or someone you know, is struggling, please get help. I highly recommend Pamela’s book and I believe the 42 minutes or so it would take you to watch all 7 of the free videos she and Deb Spink have put together is time really well spent.

There are lots of other resources: your partner, family, friends, COPE, Pregnancy, Birth and Baby, Parentline, your local early childhood nurses, your GP. Please seek and accept help.
Parenting is not meant to be done alone.
It takes a village.