I am so sorry....

We are fortunate to live in a place and time where most of our mothers and babies are healthy and all goes well in a pregnancy. I am so sorry if this is not your story. We order tests and expect to have happy news to share, but instead, sometimes the worst news is given. There is no easy way to tell someone that their child has a significant chance of having a medical condition that could result in high needs, be life limiting or that their baby has died. Sometimes there is an awkward silence and the creeping realisation that something is wrong. No reassuring heart beat, no "would you like to have a look at baby?",  rather "just wait a minute, I want to check something with my colleague" followed by hushed tones, worried looks and "please wait while the doctor comes to talk with you".  

just wait a minute….

I hope that, if you were given sad news, you were treated with dignity and respect. That you had time to let the news sink in and ask questions (and I am so sorry, but sometimes we do not know the answers). I hope whoever broke the news to you was kind.

Did you have someone with you to help? Or was someone called in to help you? I hope you didn't have to do this on your own. Is your journey already over or is there more uncertainty and perhaps more sad news to come? Please know that support is available, whoever you are and wherever you live.

Please seek help

SANDS has a number of resources aimed at both families and medical staff who are dealing with a miscarriage, stillbirth or death of a newborn and they offer a 24/7 support line Ph 1300 072 637. Red Nose has a grief and loss page with a support library and 24/7 support line Ph 1300 308 307. Through the unexpected advocates for and has multiple links to various resources for parents, support people and clinicians for when an unexpected situation has arisen. Pink Elephants has resources for those who have experienced miscarriage or early pregnancy loss. You can call the Pregnancy Birth & Baby helpline Ph 1800 882 436 and talk to a counsellor or early childhood nurse.  

Peer support is available and Harrison's Little Wings has resources developed by those who have travelled the path of having difficult news about the health of their baby — please read them and know that they are there for you at this most vulnerable of times.

A young doctor generously shares some of her story in Remembering Juniper (trigger warning).

Please reach out and make contact with people who can support you — friends, family, your midwife, doctor, community, the online community. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't think you always have to be strong for others. There is no road map for the journey you are on, no GPS to guide you. It's simply one moment at a time, one foot in front of the other and we will see where this road leads us.

Be kind to yourself.